I walked downstairs today to the vending machines at work to see if anything sounded worthy of supplementing my lunch. I know, I know, vending machine food is bad for you and overpriced. But I usually don't have any change anyway, so it's a rare occasion that I get anything.
Anyway, while I was scanning the typical offerings, my eyes came to rest on a new product - Sun Chips Cinnamon. "That sounds interesting" I said to myself. My immediate thought was, "Those probably taste so bad that it would make for a great blog." I'll give you one guess as to the truthfulness of that statement.
My experiment was destined to be an unpleasant one from the very start. You see, the people who load our vending machines have devised a clever plan to make more money - they load the bagged items into the chutes such that they always get stuck on the way out. Now, it is possible to make the machine dispense what you have purchased, but you either have to risk making the Darwin awards for toppling a vending machine over on yourself, or you have to buy at least two of anything you want. I happened to have a little extra change, so I opted for the latter choice, planning to hawk the extra bag to my co-workers... "Come and get your Sun Chips! Half as much for half the price!" or something along those lines.
My purchases dispensed, I made my way back up to my desk and opened the first bag. I have to admit, they smelled good... but then cinnamon is a popular air freshener, so that's no big surprise. In went the first chip. As my mouth exploded with flavor, my brain began processing - "Hmm... tastes kind of like a churro. A flat, dry churro. Not too bad, really. Oh wait, all the cinnamon flavor is gone now... hey, this tastes like a corn tortilla covered in cinnamon... Blech!"
For all of you who have wondered what goes on in my brain, it is usually dialog like this.
And so I proceeded, consuming chip after chip, to see how quickly I could swallow the chips once the cinnamon and sugar flavor was gone. The result: Not quickly enough. When the aftertaste of regular Sun Chips hits your mouth, there is just enough of the cinnamon and sugar flavor left in your mouth to make it gross. I was now presented with a moral dilemma: Which of my coworkers do I dislike enough to sell this to? One name immediately sprung to mind, but he is out for the week. So in the end, there I was, stuck with an extra bag of flavors that go against everything God intended.
So, I brought the extra bag home. I figured, maybe my tastebuds aren't sensitive enough or refined enough to properly appreciate what must be the complex layering of flavors. I had the perfect sample set at home: My wife and my daughter. You see, if I eat a single Nacho Cheese Dorito, then go out and mow the lawn, chop some wood, and start a campfire, upon entering the house again my wife will descend upon me and begin sniffing around my face. After about 15 seconds of sniffing, she will declare something like, "You had a Dorito." Now, I figure anyone that sensitive will be able to shed some light on the intricacies of flavor in the new Sun Chips cinnamon chips. Then there is my daughter, who will be 2 in less than a month. Her taste buds are so new, that I suspect if there is a commercial for Doritos on TV, and she runs down the hall from her playroom to the living room yelling "Ahh!" (like she always does) with her tongue hanging out, she will taste them. (The Doritos).
My experimental subjects chosen, I proceeded with testing.
I pull into the driveway, and walk into the house. My daughter is asleep, and my wife smiles and says hi.
Me: "Try these."
Wife: *Crunch crunch* "Huh, not bad."
Ok, not quite as much feedback as I was expecting, but I still have half my experiment to go.
(My daughter gets up and starts yelling and jumping)
Daughter: "Chips! Chips! Peeese!"
Me: "Do you want a chip honey?"
Daughter: "Ok" *Crunch crunch* "More peese!"
Me: "Do you like the chips?"
Daughter: "Ok"
So the results of my test are somewhat inconclusive. I can only make one recommendation regarding this new product: Give them to your spouse and children to free up the better snacks in the house for yourself.
-The Krunchy Krab
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