A few excerpts from my local town police blotter

I thought these deserved a second look.

Saturday, Dec. 9

•A citizen reported a drunken driver, but when officers contacted the driver he was not drunk, he was just not a very good driver.

Wednesday, Dec. 13

• Officers responded to a report of subjects arguing and a possible assault in the 1200 block of Fourth St. Police discovered an intoxicated man trying to sing karaoke. They determined no assault occurred, but the subject’s girlfriend complained of some very poor singing.

Friday, Dec. 15

• Found property turned in to the Anacortes Police Department this week includes two bicycles, two wallets, one purse, one pair of glasses, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Ok, so I added something to that last one, but it really needed to be there.

it's been awhile

What word is pronounced the same after you've taken away 4 of its letters?

God will find a way...

My wife and I were sitting around this evening after our daughter had gone to bed, wishing we could get her up to play with her some more. Of course, we would only regret that decision in the morning, so we restrained ourselves.

About thirty minutes later, we got our wish - although things probably would have worked out better if we had just gone and gotten her up when we wanted to.

When we heard her crying we went in to investigate. At some point between 6:30 and 9:30, she had emptied her sippy cup - presumably into her stomach. Though it put up a valiant fight, in the end Pampers was not equipped to do battle against the overwhelming urinary volumes it was facing.

So, in the end, we now have fresh sheets and pajamas, we got to spend some extra time with our daughter, and now we are left to the large chocolate pie in the refrigerator.

-The Krunchy Krab

A Denny Quote

"We'll just blame it on British fashion. What bad bathrobes!"

Possibly the most stupid parents... ever... no really, ever...

It could be on the standard parenting test of the future, I can see it now. It's a multiple choice test to get your parenting license.

The easy questions come first to weed out the obvious ones:

1) Which end of the baby goes up?

a) Feet
b) Head
c) Cinnamon

2) When the baby cries, what do you do?

a) Change it, feed it, burp it (in that order)
b) Stick it in the johnny jump up and turn the game up louder
c) Sticky. Icky. Fudgesicles.

Then come the harder ones, which people like us should pass with flying colors.

3) When you put the baby down at 7PM, and he/she wakes up at 10:30PM, you should:

a) Try to let the baby cry it out. Comfort her without picking her up.
b) Gently rock her back to sleep.
c) Get her up to play some more, then eat chocolate fudge torte with ice cream in front of her. When she bounces and acts really cute, give her some of everything, heck give her her own spoon. Sleep? What's sleep?

Hopefully you can get 66% on the test and still get your parenting license.

-The Krunchy Krab

Blah blah blah blah blah

Here I am, blogging. Look at me! Woo hoo!

Ahh memories

The year: 1988
Location: The roof of my parent's woodshed
Participants: Myself, Neal Kloke (future star quarterback of the AHS football team), and my Fisher Price Kid-Korder tape recorder with microphone.

Picture this if you will: We are two 9 year old boys armed with a tape recorder. We're bored. What should we do? Idea! Take 2 yard waste garbage bags, and cut arm and leg holes in them. Then climb up to the roof, don the garbage bags as costumes, and hit 'record' on the tape recorder. Commence performing "I Heard it Through the Grapevine" as adapted for the california raisins commercial, complete with solos and choreography.

I'm so glad the woodshed was surrounded by trees.
I'm also glad I lost that tape.

A man, a yard, and a weedeater

I have discovered that a weedeater is no match for a forest. Once grass has grown longer than 1 foot it requires too much labor and should be handled with a flamethrower. My wife suggested the chainsaw, which I'm sort of considering. I'm not sure if I would feel really lame taking a chainsaw to tall grass and weeds.
I wonder if anyone is selling a machete on craigslist...

A birthday in the family

Do you think we're the first parents ever to try to teach their child how to blow out a candle by sticking one in a potato?
Enter the tradition of the first birthday potato.

Another...

A resident of the 2000 block of Skyline Way called police to report seeing a woman jump on top of a parked truck, yell something about “terrorists in the woods,’’ and then use a rock to carve circles in the vehicle’s windows.

Police say the 20-year-old woman appeared to be disoriented, and told them she hadn’t taken her usual medication. Police say that when they asked the woman why she had damaged the truck, she replied, “To let out the sunshine.’’ She did not know the vehicle owner, she said. Charges are pending, police report

Not to steal a theme, but...

Three drunken RV park residents apparently offended by the sight of Christmas lights In July were charged with malicious mischief July 3 after they allegedly cut the power line to an RV sporting the offending lights.

Anacortes Police were called to the RV park by a couple perplexed by the loss of power to their RV. Police say they were searching in the woods near the cut power line when they found three people crouching in the bushes: a 20-year-old Mount Vernon man, a 20-year-old Anacortes man and a 44-year-old Nampa, Idaho, woman. All three were drunk, police said.

The trio reportedly told police they were hiding because they saw the flashlights and didn’t know who was approaching. The two men were cited for being minors in possession/consumption of alcohol.

The trio denied any knowledge of frayed power lines until police on a second search found wire cutters near the bushes where the trio had been hiding. One of the men finally admitted the trio had been partying and were disturbed by the sight of Christmas lights in July, police say.

Police say they pointed out to the woman that it was one thing for drunk 20-year-olds to do stupid things, another for a 44-year-old woman. Her reported response? “I’m young at heart.’’

One last one

What word in the English language uses all five vowels plus Y in alphabetical order and uses each one only once?

A versatile word

If you're ever going to be stuck on a desert island, you'd better bring this word along. There is a 7 letter word in the English language that, when one letter at a time is removed, will spell progressively shorter words of 6 letters, 5 letters, and so on all the way down to 1 letter. Unlike other words with which this can be done, there is no re-arranging necessary after each letter removal.
What is the word?

Do your research!

Which word in the English language is most commonly spelled incorrectly?

The glass is definitely empty or full

There are six glasses in a row. The first three are full, the last three are empty. By only moving 1 glass, how can you make the empty and full glasses alternate?

One more

Baby F needs to take her vitamins, but she has a problem. There are 4 bottles of vitamins which look the same (her friend E doesn't know any better, and she tore the labels off earlier) but one of them is soy based, and she is allergic to soy! The other three bottles contain different vitamins, and she needs to take 1 of each of them.

There is only one difference between the pills - the right vitamins weigh 1 gram, and the soy based ones weight 1.1 grams. Baby F received a scale for her birthday from her grandfather, the defender of small children and poultry. What a fortuitous gift! The only problem is, the scale is electronic, and the batteries have become worn down from weighing blocks and babydolls. Baby F only has enough battery power to make 1 weighing, so she must use it wisely.

How can she use the scale to accurately determine which pills are safe with only 1 weighing?

Another one - a word one this time

What do the words flour, gone, and thirsty all have in common? (Besides the fact that they all have vowels)

A new one - a bit easier

Here's another numbers one: ;)

If 1=3, and 6=3, and 1-6=11, what do the following equal?
12=?
47+3=?
3-3=?

You might want to know

The next post is not only written backwards, but also reads from bottom to top. Sorry about that.

Alright, here's the answer...

But I'll write it backwards in case someone wants to still work on it.

.og uoy ereht oS.
.no os dna
"eno eno ,owt enO" si wor txen ehT "seno owT" otni snrut 12 dna "eno enO" otni snrut
11 ,elpmaxe roF .ti evoba wor eht sebircsed ti ,sdrow otni wor hcae nrut uoy fI

I'll post a new one later, right now I need to get ready for work.

Another one

I'm feeling generous today.

What do these words have in common: age, blame, curb, dance, evidence, fence, gleam, harm, interest, jam, kiss, latch, motion, nest, order, part, quiz, rest, signal, trust, use, view, win, x-ray, yield, zone?

A new one

Hopefully this one is harder. And hopefully I can get the text to line up.
What row of numbers comes next?

      1
     11
     21
   1211
  111221
  312211
13112221

That's a loud CD-ROM drive

Dude, your drive is too loud.

Again, Bob is correct.

Hmm... I'll have to make the next one a little tougher.

Another one

Two people are talking long distance on the phone; one is in an East Coast state, the other is in a West Coast state. The first asks the other "What time is it?", hears the answer, and says, "That's funny. It's the same time here!" How is this possible?

Bob is in the know

Bob's answer is correct. I forget that Bob has an advantage because his father in law loves to ask these types of questions.

A new one

Babies E and F (names have been shortened to protect the innocent) have 8 tupperware cups full of rice puffs. They know that one of the cups has a brownie in the bottom, but don't want to waste time eating the puffs to find it. The cups are the special kind with the lid that keeps the contents inside when inverted, so they can't just dump the cups out, although they certainly try.

They have a balance that they've learned how to use, and so they can weigh the cups against each other. They're getting quite impatient to find the brownie, and want to find it as quickly as possible. What is the minimum number of weighings that is required to find the brownie? They can weigh any combination of the 8 cups.

For example, they can put 1 cup at a time on each side of the scale until they find two cups that don't balance and they know the cup with the brownie is the heavy one. This of course is the incorrect solution, because it is only efficient if they get lucky and guess right the first time. The correct solution will work every time regardless of how they randomly select the cups to weigh.

-The Krunchy Krab

And the nuns make it on time!

Here is the solution:

Sister Speedy and Sister not quite so speedy go across (2 minutes total)
Sister Speedy returns (3 minutes total)
Sister at least I'm not the slowest and Mother Superior cross (13 minutes total)
Sister not quite so speedy crosses by herself (15 minutes total)
Sister Speedy and Sister not quite so speedy cross (17 minutes total)

Alternatively, Sister not quite so speedy can go back in the second step, and Sister Speedy crosses by herself in the fourth step with the same result.

A new Denny quote

"My mom added the yum-yum."

oh yeah

I'm writing this post from our new laptop :) just got it yesterday. Very nice, kills my desktop computer.
I'm also sitting in a kitchen in Sacramento that I've never been in before. We're on our way down to the LA area. Drove to the Portland area Wednesday night, then today (Thursday) we drove to Sacramento. It was a surprisingly easy drive, took 12.5 hours with stops.
Anyway, we're here now and I get to play with the laptop for awhile. I need to install a game on here so I can see how it handles.

-The Krunchy Krab

In memory of 3rd Hill

This is amazing.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6271651147699343242

It's not exactly right, but it's still very cool. Or maybe I'm just more tired.

Check it out. Some guy in a high school talent show re-enacts the original super mario bros game. Very well done.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2139555376132383479

It's getting lighter

I have a small flat oval of foam on my desk that has adhesive on the back. Surely there's something fun I can do with this.

Zzzzz....

There nothing like watching the darkness outside turn to light. Ok, I guess watching paint dry is similar.
The alternative is trying to figure out what I changed my TSA lock combination to. So far I've checked 0 through 200.
Gone forever are the days when this was my prime working state. I used to be able to pump out hundreds of lines of code, draw up schematics, and solve differential equations when I felt like this. Now I stare out the window, sipping tea, and contemplate whether I should put my contacts in or not.

I get massive amounts of enjoyment right now from my calculator sitting on my desk that I got at a job fair. You push a button on it, and the plastic cover over the screen silently rotates around from the front to the back, eventually pushing the calculator up to rest at an angle so you can see it on the desk. I know it's just a cheap spring inside, but still it's cool. I close it and open it again and again. My tea is gone.

Ok, here's another one

And if you look this one up on the intertron, you will always be disappointed in yourself.

Four engineering nuns have a meeting that starts in 17 minutes and they must cross a bridge to get there. All four nuns begin on the same side of the bridge. It is night, and the nuns only have 1 flashlight for all of them. The nuns can travel across the bridge 1 or 2 at a time, and the flashlight must go across with each group. They can't throw the flashlight across the bridge.

Each nun walks at a different rate. If a pair of nuns goes together, they walk at the rate of the slower nun.

Sister Speedy takes 1 minute to cross
Sister not quite so speedy takes 2 minutes to cross
Sister at least I'm not the slowest takes 5 minutes to cross
Mother Superior takes 10 minutes to cross

For example, if Sister Speedy and Mother Superior walk across first, they take 10 minutes. If Mother Superior then returns to guide her nuns back across, they have taken 20 minutes total and they miss their meeting and are excommunicated.

Ok.

Apparently it IS lame to think up problems when you're bored. So here's the answer. The balls will not reach the end at the same time. They will however have the same velocity when they exit the "bump" in the track.

The ball which goes downhill first and then uphill will finish first, since its speed will never drop below the speed it started out with. It will speed up down the hill, and then slow down to its original speed when it goes up the other side.

The other ball will slow down initially when it goes up the hill, and then will speed up again to its original speed when it goes down the other side. Unfortunantly, it will finish last. But of all the balls that finished last, it was the best.

Routine

I think I figured something out this morning. Of course, everytime I say that I am proven wrong. I believe that Elise is now used to being retrieved from her crib in the morning by me. Every day (at least every weekday) I get her up, bring her out to the living room, and sit with her while she plays for a couple of hours. This morning I was way too tired, and so Holly went and got her while I slept. She was fine for a little while, but then one thing set her off and bam - the neverending cry/whimper. I finally picked her up and brought her out to the living room, and she hasn't made a sound since. She's just staring at me while I type this.

-The Krunchy Krab

An update for my fans

Ok, some of my adoring fans have requested an update to the ball question. Here it is:

One of the balls will fall off the end before the other. You get to decide which one and how fast the balls are moving relative to each other.

-The Krunchy Krab

Something to consider

If you ever do decide to make red velvet cake late at night (or red velvet cupcakes) and you are too tired when finished to clean the kitchen, you had better hope the police don't have any reason to come to your house in the middle of the night. Dried Red Velvet cake batter looks like dried blood, and my kitchen looks like there was a massacre last night.

Is it lame to think up physics/calculus problems when you're bored?

Ok, don't answer that question. You might be wondering about the picture above.

Consider that there are two racetracks built for balls to roll across as pictured above (viewed from the side as a spectator)

Assume the tracks are of equal length, and the half circle bumps you see are both perfectly circular and the same diameter, so that each track is a mirror image of the other.

If the balls pictured on the tracks begin to roll at the same rate of speed, and are of equal mass and volume, which ball will roll off the end of its track first? Which ball will be travelling more quickly when it does?

Sorry about that.

Note to self...

Regardless of how good it sounds, when you have not eaten dinner, nachos are never a good idea at 11:00PM.

In other news, I found my gameboy, but had to hack it to work. Back in highschool when I was way into building speaker systems, I would remove speakers from everything in sight to use in my systems. Yes, sadly, I made a speaker box out of cardboard into which I placed the speaker I removed from my game boy. Boy did the room shake when I fired that one up. Speaking to how much of a packrat I used to be (and still am) I believe I still have it somewhere, if I come across it, I'll re-install it.

Headphones are a commodity that are hard to come by in this house. Fortunantly, in the same box with my gameboy was my Talkabout, complete with earbud. So, now I had the sound problem solved. But my rechargable battery was dead. No fear! I found my car DC adapter that has several tips, used the correct tip, and plugged it in. So there I am, in my garage (with the door open) with the gameboy plugged into the outlet in my trunk, sitting in my trunk playing my gameboy with my Talkabout earbud in my ear for sound. Good times.

The annoying thing was, I hadn't used one of the games in so long (Warioland) that the battery inside the game went dead, and it wouldn't save games. (Surely the engineers at Nintendo have heard of non-volatile memory... I mean, come on people!) So I cracked open the case, soldered some wires to the battery terminals, pulled out my workbench engineering power supply, connected up to the wires, flipped a switch, and voila! I can save games. I'll get a battery tomorrow so I can play Warioland untethered. Mario Land 2 still had a good battery though, so I retreated upstairs with another DC adapter that could plug into the wall so I could play. I didn't have the right size plug for it though, so I had to solder wires directly to another removable plug, which left bare wires sticking out the back of the gameboy. Everytime I came to some part in the game that required especially funky hand moves, I would get a little shock as my hand brushed the wires. Life is as it should be. So, soon my battery will be charged, I'll replace the Warioland battery, and I'll find the speaker. Then it will all be good. Until then I'll play with wires going every which way getting a buzz off the electrons.

Over and bzzzt! out,
-The Krunchy Krab

Red is in the air...

Well, thank you Duke... that was wonderful. Especially you, J.J. - great shootin' Tex. The left side of my bracket is all red now. And I cannot in good conscience root against Washington tomorrow, so if everything goes well, I'll be seeing red on the right as well. Oh well.

Hungry.

Kitchen.

-The Krunchy Krab

Ok, I'm ready for it.

Let the games begin. So what if 1 of my final four picks is out? Bring it on! Let the red flow across my bracket, seeping into every corner and destroying my ranking! Who cares!

I got a raise today at work, can you tell? 21% in the last year. And the greatest thing is, my contract length was shortened to 3 months, at which point I'll get another raise or be hired as a regular employee.

:)

-The Krunchy Krab

The depths of despair

I imagine that a lot of people are seeing red on their brackets today because of Pittsburgh. It's horrible, oh the agony. I went from having mostly all green picks to having my chart covered in red.

And it looks like it's getting worse. Ugh!

-The Krunchy Krab

Mmmm.... cookie.

The cookies are in the oven now, like little rotund brown soldiers going to a fiery doom. I could make several South Park jokes right now, but I'll avoid that. Let's just say that they are a monument to Isaac Hayes, who sadly will no longer be on the show.

I need to go check on the cookies.

They're thuper, thanks for asking!

-The Krunchy Krab

I've got a lovely bunch of babywipes...

One of our tulips committed suicide tonight. It was kind of like that Monty Python cartoon, where there's the tree on a hill in autumn, and a leaf starts saying it's so depressed and finally you hear it give in, and falls off the tree. I was just sitting on the couch and suddenly it began to drop petals. 30 minutes later, it was finished, and all that was left was a mass of pollen on a stem. Stupid flower.

My wife is wearing a solid hunter green sweatshirt, navy blue and white checked flannel pants, and baby blue and thin mint green socks. I may need to go put on my orange shorts to fit in. Oh wait, I donated them.

I'm in the mood to bake. That mood always hits me at 10:30 or so. I think I'll go make some cookies.

-The Krunchy Krab

A good start, but a poor finish

Well, the day started off great, with only Tennessee dropping. AND... the Huskies took down Illinois. All was well in my bracket, I was ranked at approximately 100th out of 376,000. All has changed. Now I'm about 1400th. Oh well. Gonzaga was not supposed to win, which has ramifications for the next round for me as well.

I still have a lot of teams in it though, so I'll bounce back. We'll just have to see how it goes tomorrow.

-The Krunchy Krab

March Madness

I suppose it is time to post my bracket, since I'm actually doing fairly well and want all my adoring fans to see.
If anyone wants to doubt the authenticity of my bracket since the tournament has already begun, you can see it on Fox Sports website, I'll try to provide a link. Since I'm actively in the tournament with this bracket, I had to have it completed before Wednesday.
Anyway, here it is:

Ok, well blogger isn't letting me upload the images. I'll try to put a link in.
http://ls.cbkgame.foxsports.msn.com/scores/brackets.aspx?LID=20000670&TID=20014627
There, I believe that worked. That should take you straight to my bracket.

Anyway, I'm doing fairly well. I've picked 27 correctly so far, and 6 incorrectly, with only 1 of my incorrect picks hurting me in the second round (the Salukis let me down).
I'll keep trying to post the picture version to make it easier to see.
My picks for today (Saturday) are:
Duke, LSU, Indiana, UCLA, Florida, Boston College, Tennessee, and Washington
My picks for Sunday are:
Connecticut, North Carolina, Villanova, Ohio State, Pittsburgh, Memphis, Texas, and sadly, Southern Illinois

My final four are:
Duke, Connecticut, Villanova, and Pittsburgh, with Duke and Villanova going to the finals, Villanova as the Champion.

-The Krunchy Krab

What's in a name?

You ( assuming this is not me reading it after I post this, you refers to the millions of adoring fans of mine who read this blog daily, hourly even) may be wondering where I got the name "Krunchy Krab"

Well, I'll tell you.

First of all, you have to agree that a crab is anything but crunchy. Unless of course you are an ocean predator who eats crabs whole and raw (ish!) in which case the shell does of course make them crunchy. But my attention is focused only on the meat inside the shell. Why? Well because that's what you dip in butter of course.
So, since a crab is anything but crunchy, and I am nothing like a crab (except maybe for my grip, but I really sucked at doing the crabwalk in gym class) then I must be crunchy. But I still share a few minute similarities to a crab (my grip, and I probably taste good when dipped in butter, if you go for that sort of thing) so I decided upon The Crunchy Crab. Then, since my wife hates it when businesses replace 'C' with 'K' (as in the Kompact Kar Korner, a Lynnwood front for a Mustang driving hate group) I settled upon The Krunchy Krab.

There, I hope that settles it.

-The Krunchy Krab

The room, the room, the room is all dusty

Note to self: if you have just dusted the pizza dough with flour to keep it from sticking, do not immediately begin tossing the pizza in the air.

Alternatively, if there is no other option than the above, make sure not to wear black clothing.

-The Krunchy Krab

June 21, 2006

A day that will certainly live in infamy. On this date, the summer solstice, I will celebrate my halfway to AARP eligibility birthday.

That's right, I'll be 27.5 years old.

I don't want to hear any hee haws from you 80 year olds out there. You remember what it was like to turn 30.

So yes, celebrate I will.

-The Krunchy Krab