Since the dawn of creation there have been families with small children. And since two years after the dawn of creation, those children have loved to swing and slide. And behold, there was capitalism, and commerce, and certain people said, "Let us make stores, and let them stock certain items, such that small children may swing and slide."
And the fathers of the world observed this and saw that it appeared good.
And these people, these capitalists, these manufacturers of things on which to swing and slide saw their profits and thought, "We can do better"
And so they fired the writers of assembly instructions who were literate, because they demanded higher wages. And they hired screw buyers who were notorious for buying screws that were 1/4" shorter than needed, and locknuts that didn't fit them.
And their profits soared, and they saw this and saw that it was good for them.
And they fired the assembly instruction illustrators because they were wasting good ink on the diagrams. And they provided their new, low-wage illustrators the following instruction:
"They don't need any pictures of what it will actually look like assembled. Just show them the last 4 inches of each pole, then label them with numbers, but don't put the numbers anywhere on the poles. Draw poles with angled bends in them as straight, and draw straight poles across the folds of the instructions so they look bent. Don't even provide a diagram of what is included in the box, just make a list with no dimensions, only colors. Then paint everything the same color."
And the new illustrators followed directions and saved ink. And lo, profit margins increased.
And finally, they provided the following instruction:
"Don't even put a picture of the final assembly on the box. Make it plain cardboard with words in six languages poorly translated."
And to the webmasters, they instructed:
"Put the following picture onto the websites, such that the fathers of the world will see it and be confused, for we will construct the pieces such that it is absolutely impossible to assemble it that way - it will instead have to be assembly in the exact reverse manner as shown."
And again, their profit margins soared, and it was good for them.
This has been the story, since two years after the dawn of creation.
And all this time, since two years after the dawn of creation, the fathers of the world have been stupid enough to try to put these playsets together.
Personally, I would like to get my hands on the idiot who is wrapped in a moron, who provided the instructions above to the assemblers of my swingset kit. Things went much better after I relieved some stress by throwing a hammer (coincidentally, the same hammer that flew off a truck in the street and almost smashed my head in) and after I replaced all the bolts and nuts provided in the kit with my own that *gasp* actually fit.
And so, the end result - we now have three swings, a glider swing, and a slide in our backyard. You will hopefully notice that it is assembled in the exact reverse of the picture above. Took me 40 minutes to realize that.
But hey - my daughter likes it, and isn't that the point? I mean, who needs their Sunday afternoon anyway?
And the fathers of the world observed this and saw that it appeared good.
And these people, these capitalists, these manufacturers of things on which to swing and slide saw their profits and thought, "We can do better"
And so they fired the writers of assembly instructions who were literate, because they demanded higher wages. And they hired screw buyers who were notorious for buying screws that were 1/4" shorter than needed, and locknuts that didn't fit them.
And their profits soared, and they saw this and saw that it was good for them.
And they fired the assembly instruction illustrators because they were wasting good ink on the diagrams. And they provided their new, low-wage illustrators the following instruction:
"They don't need any pictures of what it will actually look like assembled. Just show them the last 4 inches of each pole, then label them with numbers, but don't put the numbers anywhere on the poles. Draw poles with angled bends in them as straight, and draw straight poles across the folds of the instructions so they look bent. Don't even provide a diagram of what is included in the box, just make a list with no dimensions, only colors. Then paint everything the same color."
And the new illustrators followed directions and saved ink. And lo, profit margins increased.
And finally, they provided the following instruction:
"Don't even put a picture of the final assembly on the box. Make it plain cardboard with words in six languages poorly translated."
And to the webmasters, they instructed:
"Put the following picture onto the websites, such that the fathers of the world will see it and be confused, for we will construct the pieces such that it is absolutely impossible to assemble it that way - it will instead have to be assembly in the exact reverse manner as shown."
And again, their profit margins soared, and it was good for them.
This has been the story, since two years after the dawn of creation.
And all this time, since two years after the dawn of creation, the fathers of the world have been stupid enough to try to put these playsets together.
Personally, I would like to get my hands on the idiot who is wrapped in a moron, who provided the instructions above to the assemblers of my swingset kit. Things went much better after I relieved some stress by throwing a hammer (coincidentally, the same hammer that flew off a truck in the street and almost smashed my head in) and after I replaced all the bolts and nuts provided in the kit with my own that *gasp* actually fit.
And so, the end result - we now have three swings, a glider swing, and a slide in our backyard. You will hopefully notice that it is assembled in the exact reverse of the picture above. Took me 40 minutes to realize that.
But hey - my daughter likes it, and isn't that the point? I mean, who needs their Sunday afternoon anyway?
-The Krunchy Krab
1 comment:
Just wanted you to know that our household reads your blog, and we love it. I love it when you blog. You crack me up completely. Keep writing....!
Post a Comment